Ok, I don’t mean to be a lame-o and keep on the bad song subject, but with it being the season for Christmas music, I think it exposes us to a special kind of audible nastiness that needs to be addressed. Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas music, but I do take issue with the way some of these songs are getting sung. I’ve noticed that a lot of the irritants are coming from more modern versions of classic standards. It almost seems like the artists I’m hearing have decided to lay down the tracks without actually checking what the words are, they just sing what it sounds like to them, or what they think it might be. I mean, there is nothing like honoring the Christmas season with a hastily recorded, half-assed version of Jingle Bells, right?
For instance, I keep hearing a version of “Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow” that has this interesting interpretation, “When we finally kiss good night, how I hate going out in the snow, but if you really hold me tight, all the way home I’ll be warm…” What?!?!? I’m sorry, but “Snow” and “Warm” don’t rhyme any way you say it. I would think that somebody would notice and take a second to wonder if there might be a word to indicate bad weather that actually fits in the line. A word like, I don’t know…storm? I would also like to take this opportunity to point out that the plural of “reindeer” is not “reindeer’s”, but in fact, “reindeer”. Maybe all of Santa’s reindeer’s should have spent less time mocking Rudolph and more time on their grammar. My favorite is a version of “Run Rudolph Run” by some bozo that mixes up a line that is supposed to say “baby doll”, but he says “Barbie doll”, which doesn’t seem like a huge deal until you apply it to the whole line: “a little baby doll that can cry, sleep, drink and wet”. Now those activities are all fine and good for a baby doll, but until they come out with a Rehab Barbie I don’t think that other idea is going to fly. And whoever the dumb bum was that wrote that obnoxious “Snow” song they sing repeatedly in White Christmas obviously never lived in a place where it actually snows. Nobody who has had to shovel 3 feet of snow off of their car would ever say, let alone SING:“I want to wash my hands, my face, my hair with snow”.
In closing, I would just like to say, if I were Mary, and I had just had a baby, and some little snot-nosed kid came around playing a drum, I’d kick him in his Rum Pum Pum Pum!