Friday, November 11, 2011

...but the horse with no name won't shoot the sherriff

I love music. In the car, at work, at the gym (at least I think I would like music at the gym, assuming I ever went). It is virtually impossible for me to cook without a little opera or Tijuana Brass to get me in the culinary groove. Cleaning? Bring on the Lady Gaga or They Might Be Giants. I love dance music, old music, fun music, guilty pleasures! Almost every activity is better when paired with a song or two.

But what if your activity is accompanied by a nasty, obnoxious, all-around HORRIBLE song? For instance, America’s “A Horse With No Name” , which ranks #1 on my personal DNL (Do Not Listen) list, followed closely by, “I Shot the Sherriff” and every song EVER performed, previously and in the future, by Gordon Lightfoot. What do you do? I, personally, sing Barry Manilow’s “Copacabana”. Not because I am particularly fond of this song, but because studies have shown that it is the antidote to every poisonous song known to man. It’s true, you can Google it. Ok, don’t Google it, but just trust me.

Now, as with every strong medicine, “Copacabana” can have adverse reactions, and must be sung in small doses. Side effects may include: vomiting, nosebleed, the urge to sing about everything you are doing to the tune of “Copacabana”, booty shaking; and in extreme cases, brain damage. If you have “Copacabana” stuck in your head for more than 4 hours, contact your physician immediately, as this can be a sign of a serious condition that can become permanent if left untreated. Dirty looks from the driver in the next car is a definite sign of overdose. Song badness is a very serious condition and should not be left untreated. If you find yourself assailed by any song on your personal DNL, please apply the “Copacabana” technique immediately.

I will be sure to let you know when the over the counter tablet version of Copacabanafren is available so that actually singing the song won’t be necessary. Until then, “Her name was Lola, she was a show girl”…

P.S. I know it’s early in my blogdom to ask for reader opinions, as my readership is quite small(but mighty!!!) , but I want to know your personal DNL’s. Keep your Copacabanafren handy as this could get painful!